I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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