I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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