remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
