Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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