that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
