If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
