How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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