Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
