Just took my morning after pill in the library
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
