remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
