her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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