Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
