Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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