What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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