Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I queefed so loud it echoed.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
