No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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