i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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