i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
now i know why i became what i already was.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize