I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
