I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
