You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
