I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
