They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Randomize