you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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