apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
