just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize