I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
