I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
