when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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