having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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