I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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