i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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