I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
