is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize