I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
