She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Randomize
