I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
time to smoke my breakfast
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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