There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
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