FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
