i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
