I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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