Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize