We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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