Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
