I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
