I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
