on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
