drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I still have a little drunk in my system
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
