Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
At least life still wants to fuck me.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
