woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Randomize
