dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize