I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
