when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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