So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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