he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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