I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I will pee on everything he values.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
