We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize