dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
