she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
