Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize