I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
