fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
How naked do you want me to be?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
