the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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