it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize