You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
