She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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