What did we do last night that was yellow?
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
