Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
