I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
