I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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