he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
