just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
