I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
