I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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