It's like God shit irony all over that family
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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